Tonight I lit Shabbat candles; technically for the second time, but it feels like the first time (The first time was months ago, after we learned about Shabbat in the AJU class. It didn’t feel quite right and I wasn’t sure whether it was okay for me to be doing a ritual thing like that, so I stopped). I’m at my parents house this week and am very unorganized, so I didn’t have time to bake Challah and my wine is at my apartment 2hrs away!
I lit the candles, said the blessing, and said Kiddush over a plastic cup of juice – not very exciting nor fulfilling the mitzvah of having beautiful items to use! But it was what I had, and hopefully more of my Judaica will have come in by next Shabbat (I was gifted a Challah board, and I’m trying to acquire a Kiddush cup and Havdalah items).
Before candle-lighting time, I let my family know to please not knock on my door for the next few hours – I’m obviously not fully observing Shabbat yet, but I’m trying to find the mindset and the spirit of it as well as getting used to staying off social media for that stretch (news flash- I’m struggling in that area haha). After saying Kiddush, I listened to the recordings of the Shabbat blessings that my synagogue put together, I read a Torah portion (I’m very behind and working on catching up) and the related chapter in the commentary book I’m using for studying, I had fun experimenting with some Tichel wrapping (I’ve been exploring different ways to cover my hair/head for at synagogue)… And then I lost focus and struggled to get it back.
I kept my focus on the Shabbat mindset for about 2 hours, and then it sort of derailed and I couldn’t find it. That’s disappointing, but I’m brand new to this particular observance, and there’s a lot going on in the house, community, and world right now that is holding a lot of my attention. I’ll shoot for longer next week, and there’s a large portion of time tomorrow for finding the mindset again!
I have app-blocking set up to block most of the apps on my phone from 5pm-5pm. This blocks all the social media and streaming apps, but leaves me with the ability to communicate via text/call with people so as to not leave me stranded and alone. I’m able to get around the blocking fairly easily, which makes sticking to it hard… But I’m hopeful that just seeing the apps grayed out and having to take those steps to unlock them will remind me why I shouldn’t be going on the apps.
So where am I now? I’m trying to pass the time until midnight (Happy New Year’s, by the way!) through working on this blog and connecting with friends to the best of my ability. I’m hoping to read myself to sleep tonight rather than “TikTok” myself to sleep like usual. I’ll be going to Shabbat services in the morning, although I’ll be going virtually due to sickness here. I’m not sure what next week holds, but I start up classes again on Monday so I’m guessing whatever it holds, there’ll be a lot of tiredness.
Becoming Jewish 